Only in Canada: A ban on starter pistols?

Today's hot link comes to us from my colleague at the Toronto Star, David Grossman.

Apparently there's a growing movement among high school sports officials to ban the use of starter pistols at track meets.

Seriously.

A group of officials and school board types say that starter pistols are dangerous because they symbolize violence.

Yes, somehow the symbolic violence of a starter pistol is more damaging to our youth than the actual violence of sports like wrestling, football and the state religion in Canada -- hockey.

And somehow the symbolic danger of a gun with no bullets is more real than the actual danger of semi-trained teenagers throwing javelins (an event derived from throwing spears -- ban it!), putting shots (also known as "cannon balls" -- Ban It!) and pole vaulting (which was how ancient warriors leaped over the walls surrounding cities -- BAN IT, PLEASE!).

Since we're so concerned about the destructive effects of symbolic violence, we should also ban basketball (all that "shooting), baseball (all those hits and runs... don't people know that's a felony?), and history class (much too much talk about war).

Sprinters await the sound of the whistle at the 1988 Olympics.

In place of starter pistols some folks are suggesting track meets switch to buzzers or whistles, but I've got a better idea.

Simon Says.

Simon Says "take your marks."

Eight sprinters settle into the blocks.

Simon Says "Set."

Eight bodies uncoil part way, poised to explode down the track at the next command.

GO!

Three sprinters burst from the blocks...

HEY! I didn't say "Simon Says!" Lanes 2, 3 and 7 are all disqualified!

Look, Linford. I didn't say "Simon Says."

Makes sense to me.

It's probably time we re-thought this whole track meet thing, from the starter pistol to the finish line.

After all, we shouldn't rewards kids at a track meet simply because they can run fast.


Our youth need to learn just as real violence should never trump symbolic danger, the race shouldn't go to the swiftest or best prepared, but to the one who follows asinine rules.