Ready to Barack

PART ONE: A PROMO


Stayed away from the office today to celebrated Martin Luther King Day, and I know what some of you are already thinking:

That's not a Canadian holiday, Morg. How did you manage to get out of working?

Well, no, it's not a statutory holiday north of the border, but as a card-carrying Afro-Ameri-Canadian I reserve the right to honour it anywhere on the planet. It's an even easier call in multicultural Canada, where immigrants like my parents, and first-generation citizens like myself, are encouraged to celebrate the culture of the old country rather than conform to the customs of the new one.

Doesn't mean I celebrate every U.S. holiday.

You'll see me at the office on President's Day and Memorial Day and the fourth of July.

But MLK day, which speaks directly to me and the nation (as distinct from the country) from which I descend, is a mandatory celebration every year.

So I stayed away from the office today, but if you think I wasn't working you don't know me.

Like just about everyone else on the continent I spent today preparing for Tuesday's inauguration of Barack Obama.

A quick scan of my friends' facebook status messages tells me I'm one of about eight people in North America not already in D.C. for the week-long celebration, but that's OK. Me and my seven friends plan to have a great time at thestar.com.

As we've discussed before Obama is big business for newspapers everywhere, and I'm sure any newspaper publisher with any sense is already planning special editions, preparing to print extra copies, and jacking up ad rates to capitalize on what figures to be the most lucrative day of the year in this moribund industry.



The soon-to-be U.S. president has a similar effect online, where he trails only a mediocre hockey team in his ability to drive traffic to the Star's web site.

So that's where you'll find me Tuesday morning, hosting the Toronto Star's inauguration live blog and panel discussion.

While Star intern Jason Miller live blogs the festivities in DC, I'll host an ongoing online discussion involving a crew of smart and funny folks: playwright and actor Andrew Moodie, communications consultant Megan Harris, and rapper/singer/all-around musician K-OS.

Fun starts at 10 a.m. sharp, so if you're one of the few folks not there in person OR if you're the type of 21st century nerd who attends an event live then spends the entire time on your blackberry following online accounts of it, then you're welcome to join us.

As I've mentioned in this space before, I envision a day not too far in the future where as journalists our salaries and possibly our very jobs will depend how many hits stories under out by-lines generate on the company's web site. And since I'm trying to get out in front of that development, I'm reminding you guys once again that I'm a shameless click whore. So forward that link (here it is again) to as many people as you can, and join us tomorrow as we discuss and dissect one of the defining events of our generation.

PART 2: OBAMA'S SUPREME (BASKETBALL) COURT

Obamaphiles and hoop heads might want to check out the latest issue of Sports Illustrated. It contains a feature story about Mr. President and his lifelong love of hoops. I haven't read it yet but I plan to after dinner.

PART 3: ABSOLUTION...

... For anyone who feels guilty about wishing that these kids would shuffle off into oblivion:



I'm here to let you know you don't have to pretend to like those brats anymore.

It's ok to be sick of them. What you're feeling is a completely normal reaction to novelty acts who stubbornly refuse to acknowledge that their 15 minutes of fame have expired.

It's the same way we felt about Steve Urkel and Paris Hilton and anyone who has ever appeared on the MTV's The Real World.

This feeling is natural.

Don't fight it.

Embrace it.

The Singing Obama Brats need to go.

I mean, we all agree that the first song was a cute and refreshing. A buncha little black kids telling us we can vote however we like... great.

But three months later I know I'm not the only one wishing they would make like Lou Bega, Scritti Politti or any other one-hit wonder and go away.

Instead, they've stuck around and made a couple other songs, one about mosquito netting and the one posted above where they thank Obama for winning the election then bark orders at him for three minutes.

Oprah was impressed.

She donated $365,000 to their school.

Lovely.

You're paid.

Now please, go away.

But instead of disappearing they showed up on CNN last night.

Twice.

Enough.

Seriously.

You guys should have quit while you were still cute.

Your first song struck a chord, but now it's time to retire. Get to class. Study hard. Hopefully your principal spent that Oprah money on top-flight teachers and in-class technology, anything to help you get into college and find a career because your celeb days are done.

Now before you complain, I'm not a hater. Just a student of history.

Think back far enough and you'll remember a time when people didn't hate Steve Urkel, but the folks at Family Matters didn't know when to quit.

I know I'm not the only one who sees it happening here.

People who think I'm being harsh on these kids and their teacher are the same people who bought the Baha Men album. You guys are probably still waiting for Afroman's second single to drop.

Sorry guys.

There are no second-acts for one-hit wonders.

So please, while most of the public can still stomach you, disappear back into your classroom, hit the books and salvage your futures.

Seriously.

I'm sure Obama appreciates the love, but he doesn't want to see you waste your lives.

Another Bad Week....

.... For athletes and money. 

Don't misunderstand me, news from the newspaper industry -- whose money troubles have inspired several entries on this blog -- still stinks,  especially if you live in Boston or the Twin Cities. But at this point nobody expects newspapers to have cash, so reports of layoffs, buyouts and bankruptcies no longer surprise us.

Somehow, though we expect millionaire athletes to learn from the examples of those who squandered fortunes before them, even though a few times each year someone reminds us just how tough it can be to retire rich.

This week we have two examples.

First came news that the non-profit headed by former Olympic heptathlete Jackie Joyner-Kersee is bleeding money, yet somehow managed to pay nearly half a million dollars in "consulting fees" to a for-profit outfit headed by her husband, Bob.

Predictably, the IRS is interested in what the Joyner-Kersees have been doing with all those tax-deductible donations that help fund their charity. And though the story makes clear that the government has been scrutinizing the Joyner-Kersees' tax returns (both charitable and private) for, Bob continues to claim nothing shady is happening, and that all the problems stem from simple ignorance of tax procedure.

Uh, ok.

But what about Floyd (No Money?) Mayweather?

Surely he and his advisers know better than than burn through the mountain of money he earned in the ring, right? Or at least they know to take care of the tax man before blowing seven figures shopping for jewelery..... right?

I mean, it's not like he's Evander Holyfield or something.

I didn't used to think so, but now it looks like The Pretty Boy and The Real Deal have more in common than catchy nicknames and Olympic Bronze medals.

According to this report from Boxingscene.com, the Pretty Boy owes the IRS more than $6 million. This from a man who grossed nearly $40 million in 2007 alone?

Now, I don't know how reliable this story is, partly because no mainstream media (I guess that would include me) have picked it up, and mainly because it lacks any type of attribution. 

Uncle Sam wants to shake the Pretty Boy down?

According to whom?

Did you talk to his lawyer?

His manager?

Did you speak to the IRS, or even a "source close to the story"?

We don't know because the story doesn't say.

But we do know this:

Though Mayweather claims to have become a hip-hop mogul since retiring last year, his rhyme skills wouldn't even pay my grocery bill.

Ouch.

A looming tax lein would explain why the  Pretty Boy announced last month he'd consider unretiring for a Pay Per View superfight with Manny Pacquiao.

It's a shame in a lot of ways.

That our generation's most dominant fighter might be broke.

That he may have to go back to work when he might genuinely want to stay retired.

That he might risk damaging his legacy and brittle hands to keep the taxman happy.

But his tax trouble keeps him out of the recording studio, we all win.

Small Screen.... Seriously

So for those of you who live outside Canada or who didn't get the facebook memo, The World's Greatest Sportswriter made his third appearance on TSN's Off The Record on Monday night.

I know both of my readers are probably asking themselves why I didn't use this space to hype my appearance beforehand.

Simple.

Last time they booked me, they bumped me for a pair of washed up former NFL quarterbacks; one who lost four straight Superbowls, and another who looks like David Hasselhoff's lost twin. Knowing how quickly schedules and priorities can change, I figured I'd wait till we'd completed taping before I spread the word far and wide.

And even then I hesitated, just because you never know.

Anyway, I had a great time and rave reviews have been trickling in since yesterday.

After we finshed taping the OTR folks said the performance was my best ever.

I also received multiple text messages informing me I was sharpest dressed man on the panel.

And this morning a co-worker told me that he caught a few glimpses of the show while working out, and while he didn't hear anything I said he assured me I was the panel's best gesticulator.

High praise.

Before I link you, a few words about the rest of the panel, Buffalo Bills receiver Lee Evans, Toronto Argos defensive back Chuck Winters and XM Radio host Terry Mercury.

Best panel ever.

I first met Chuck as a 17-year-old high schooler at the University of Michigan football camp. I was an undersized cornerback trying to get noticed by college scouts and he was a starter for the Wolverines and one of my team's coaches. A year and a half later my Wildcats smashed his Wolverines at the Big House, on the way to our first of two straight Big Ten titles.

Yesterday I took a few moments to remind him.

He seems to have gotten over it.

Terry Mercury I had met a couple years back at a CABJ meeting and afterward we rapped a little about mentorship and the need for more of us to reach out to more of you (young people) to make sure there are alwasy some of us in the business.

As for Evans, I've just always like the way he plays, and stuck around as a fan even after my least favourite team in all of pro football drafted him.

So I don't know if it was the Big Ten football vibe (Me, Lee, Chuck), or the CABJ connection (Morg and Terry), but of the OTR panels I've been a part of, only this one could strike the right balance between intelligence, tension, volume and fun. We all made our points while sounding halfway educated, and we could agree to disagree without acting like, well, guests on a sports talk show.

Anyway, I promised I'd link you, and since you've all been waiting since last Super Bowl for me to return to OTR, I won't make you wait any longer.

Clip One.

Clip Two.

Clip Three.

Enjoy.

And if you liked that, stay tuned because there'll be more in the future.

Promise.

Happy New Year... The Countdown to Spring Training

I peer out my penthouse window and see a guy pushing a snowblower along the sidewalks leading to the entrance to the condo, clearing a path through the 10 centimetres of snow that have fallen since last night. Another man with a snow shovel follows a few steps behind him, cleaning up stray clumps of snow and slush. Over near the entrance to the driveway, a third man unloads a mini plow from a trailer hitched to the back of a U-Haul truck.

It's a small condo, but clearing this much snow is a big job.

Man, I can't wait till spring training. 

Forty one days... not that I'm counting or anything.

* I didn't take that photo, btw. That's Finch Ave. in Toronto. Pic lifted from Flickr*

Anyway, I'm back from my blog holiday and judging from the plummeting number of hits I'm receiving, you guys didn't miss me much.

That's okay. We've got all year to get re-acquainted.

I know you guys all want to know what I did with my holidays, so I'll tell you:

Not much.

I ate a lot and slept a lot, watch a little football and didn't touch my computer except for the occasional email check, which explains why you folks didn't find me here, one facebook or anywhere else on the web.

I did, however, work out with a world champion athlete, and I had a lot of fun doing it. 

But it was damn hard work.

There's a reason those guys have better physiques than we do.

It's because they train harder and longer and smarter than anyone with a  9-to-5 ever could. I'm talking three hours per session. Most days the warm up alone would is a workout in itself, and more than enough to exhaust even the most fit "civilians." Believe me when I say there's no better way to keep your holiday weight in check than to train like a pro. 

I managed not to embarrass myself too badly during those sessions at York U, and until my hamstring popped last Saturday, it's fair to say I held my own. And I intend to do it again.

Once this damn thing heals.

Meanwhile, I'll focus on my real career.

Some of you may have noticed already, but just before 2008 ended I became a columnist.

No, not at the Star. As we discussed a few weeks ago, the type of columnist gig I (used to) aspire to may not even exist by the time I'm able to earn one.

Instead, I'm the new back-page columnist for Sway magazine, which you'll recognize from local newsstands if you live in Toronto. And if you're not, then picture a magazine that's part Essence (because it's aimed at youngish, upwardly mobile black folks) and Metro (because it's free).

I debut in the current issue with an essay explaining why knowing Black history benefits Canadians of all colours.

If you have the time, give it a read... and I know you have the time because you're burning minutes reading this blog instead of working or typing an essay or whatever other productive thing you're supposed to be doing right now.

So yeah, read it and whether you love it or you hate it, let the editors know how you feel. Any feedback is good feedback.

I'm trying to build a brand here.

Yeah I took some time of but that hasn't changed.

This is about Morgan Inc.

Check back later.